Remember The Darkness (The Dark Lord Does Not)
by gandalf537
Summary: Harry Potter used the one spell on Voldemort that nobody thought to use, taking a lesson from the most useless teacher in stride: Obliviate. Chaos follows, and the Dark Lord has a lot of questions. ACT II: Gilderoy is dumb and the previous Lord Voldemort just wants his snake. Loosely based off of chapter 44 of "101 Names We Could Have Used." This is not to be taken seriously.
1. Why Are We Wearing Dark Cloaks?

**Hey hey hey! Thanks for clicking on my story! I really hope it doesn't disappoint!**

 **Small note: This is loosely based off of one of the chapters of 101 Names We Could Have Used (the name Gilderoy Lockhart) but this first chapter is virtually the same. To anyone following that story- I hope you enjoy!  
Second small note: This is not meant to be taken seriously in any way.**

 **Enjoy!**

1996, Ministry of Magic

The battle had raged long and hard. Harry James Potter had witnessed the death of his godfather, his father-figure for the past two years, and now he was witnessing the duel between Dumbledore and Voldemort. Bellatrix Lestrange, his godfather's killer, was laughing. _Laughing_. Harry could feel nothing but fury as he watched her, and Voldemort, get away with killing, without anyone _believing_ that they were back-

Believing.

His mind racing to form incoherent thoughts, Harry connected the word _believing_ to somebody else. Everybody believed Gilderoy Lockhart, everybody believed _in_ him, and he was false. Nobody believed Harry, but what Harry spoke was the truth.

In his completely-out-of-it state of mind, Harry connects Gilderoy Lockhart to the spell he used- obliviate. Forget that it ever happened.

Only this _did_ happen-

But what if it didn't?

The Aurors are starting to appear now, the Ministry itself. Distracted by Dumbledore, Voldemort pays him no heed. Harry manages to quietly say the spell- " _obliviate_ "- before collapsing. Bellatrix realizes what happens before her master does, and she leaps forward to grab him before Disapparating into thin air. The Ministry are talking, loudly, pointing at the place where Voldemort had just stood.

"I saw him!" one man yells, clutching his hat to his head. "I saw him! You-Know-Who! He's back! You-Know-Who's back!"  
Harry feels a tight hand on his shoulder as he struggles to stand. He looks up and meets the eyes of Dumbledore-

"Well done, Harry," Dumbledore says, eyes gleaming.

Malfoy Manor

"What on earth was that?" Lucius Malfoy roars at the crowd of Death Eaters gathered around him. Bellatrix Lestrange kneels at Voldemort's side, trying to rouse him- the Death Eaters crowd closer and closer together, trying to get a look at their fallen leader.

"My Lord?" Bellatrix squeaks. "My- my Lord?"

Voldemort groans. Lucius kneels down at his sister-in-law's side. "My Lord, are you alright?" he asks.

"Who are you?" Lord Voldemort barks, immediately commanding. He does not wait for a reply. "Where am I? Who am I?"

"My Lord?" Bellatrix gasps.  
"Why are we all wearing dark cloaks?" Voldemort asks, heaving himself to his feet and whirling around. He isn't done yet. "What is this mark on your arm? It's very strange," he comments to Bellatrix, who's still clutching him, white as a sheet. "Are you kidnapping me? What is this?" He's noticed how many others are in the room now, scores of his Death Eaters. He tears himself out of a sobbing Bellatrix's grip and tries to shove through the crowd. The Dark Lord, most dangerous and evil wizard alive, catches sight of himself in a mirror and screams, loud and high-pitched.


	2. What Kind Of A Name Is Voldemort?

**Thank you so much for your reviews, follows, and favorites! From now on, updates will come on Wednesdays- but I couldn't resist posting today!**

Hogwarts

Harry sighs and opens the paper. He's being hailed as a hero at school, because of course everyone already knows of the events that unfolded a few nights previous- Harry and Dumbledore reappeared in the Great Hall in the middle of dinner, followed closely by Ron, Hermione, Ginny, Neville, Luna, and the rest of the Order. They had been ushered immediately to the hospital wing, but not before the rest of the school had gotten a good look at them. Everyone was doing alright- Neville, Ginny, Luna, and Harry had all been patched up in a jiffy, and Ron and Hermione are fast on the road to recovery. The Weasleys and Hermione, but most of all Harry, are still struggling to cope with the loss of Sirius- Harry doesn't think it's really hit him yet, after he threw a fit in Dumbledore's office before the Prophecy was revealed.

Then there was the matter of Harry's second meeting with Dumbledore, in which Harry found out about the dreaded Horcruxes- Dumbledore would continue to hunt them until they were all gone, at which point there would be the matter of finding the Obliviated Voldemort and killing the final piece of his soul.

Harry tries to push these facts out of his mind as he reads the front page of the _Daily Prophet_ \- the headline is "You-Don't-Know-Who," followed by a subtitle of "Dark Lord Obliviated By The Boy Who Lived." Harry smirks a bit at the headline- clever, really- before skimming over the article briefly. "The _Daily Prophet_ is reporting that You-Know-Who is back and fully recovered with the support of his followers, the Death Eaters. Upon examination of Ministry security, You-Know-Who appears to have been obliviated by one Harry James Potter, all but ending the inevitable war that the Ministry failed to see. You-Know-Who and his most prominent followers remain on the run until damning evidence is brought to light. The Death Eaters and their leader are no longer believed to be threats. Professor Albus Percival Wulfric Brian Dumbledore, reinstated Chief of the Wizengamot, Order of Merlin, First Class, claims to "have the situation completely under control." Representatives for Hogwarts School and Harry Potter declined to comment. Exclusive article with Harry Potter on page four, naming Death Eaters that walk amongst us. If you see any of these names, please call your Ministry Law Enforcements immediately. Page 6, Dolores Umbridge out of office. Page 8, Sirius Black: Innocent After All-"

Harry stops reading here and throws the newspaper down. He's going to take a nap.

* * *

Malfoy Manor

"My Lord-" Bellatrix starts, before ducking her head and shuffling back.

Lord Voldemort is, to say the least, in shock. He has an ugly-coloured orange blanket wrapped around his shoulders, is clutching a mug of warm tea, and is sitting in front of an armchair by a large fireplace in the Malfoy Manor library.

"I have no idea why you keep calling me that," Lord Voldemort says. "But I like it, so continue to call me that."

Bellatrix nods. "My Lord, we've told you. You're _Lord Voldemort_. You're the most feared wizard in all of Europe- all of the world!"

"What kind of a name is _Voldemort_?" Voldemort asks. "It sounds… French."

"French," Bellatrix repeats flatly.

"I think I prefer Ramon," Voldemort says with a great flourish. "Something with a nice Spanish ring. Or possibly Bob. You could never go wrong with a nice Bob. Bob Ramon. _Lord_ Bob Ramon. I like it."

"My Lord, I think you hit your head in addition to having your memory wiped," Lucius Malfoy says, slightly amused, from where he's standing just outside of the light of the fire.

"I still do not understand why you all insist that magic is real," Voldemort- er, Bob Ramon- says pointedly. "Or why I am evil. What is the point? The heroes spoil everything anyways."

Bellatrix's eyes meet Lucius's. Lucius raises an eyebrow and shrugs.

The witch nearly wails.


	3. I Told You, My Name Is Lord Bob Ramon

**Ah... what kind of stuff is Lord Bob Ramon getting up to now?**

 **Thank you all so much for your support- regular updates now on Wednesdays!**

* * *

Malfoy Manor

The Death Eaters look up when Lucius Malfoy enters the room. His wife stares at him quizzically- they've been waiting for hours on news of Lord Voldemort's condition. They're scattered throughout the Malfoy's sitting room, their masks off, though their cloaks are still on. Narcissa considered taking everyone to the dining room, but since they'd been waiting more than five hours for Voldemort to recover she figured they may as well wait in comfort.

"He is- er- alive," Lucius says solemnly, and the Death Eaters breaths sighs of relief (though some of them curse mentally). "However…"

"However, what?" Narcissa asks sharply.

"He does not remember anything," Lucius says. "He has begun to call himself Lord Bob Ramon." The man spits this last bit out with disgust, horrified at his leader's choice in name.

"He couldn't have picked something that sounded a little less stupid?" someone mutters. Eyes swivel in the direction of the speaker, though they aren't identified.

"He also said, and I quote, 'what is the point in being evil when the heroes always ruin everything anyways?'" Lucius adds, much to the very vocal dismay of the entire group.

"So we're stuck with a incapacitated Voldemort that doesn't remember anything?" someone snarls in the back of the group- Rodolphus Lestrange.

"Essentially, yes," Lucius says, and the entire group mutters again.

"We can call Severus," Narcissa says quietly. "I'm sure he'd be able to do something."

"Severus is currently at Hogwarts, he's supposed to be part of the Order as well so he wouldn't be able to get away for a while," Lucius reminds them.

"So essentially he is useless," Amycus Carrow says, greedy eyes gleaming.

"Bellatrix is currently trying to convince him that he is practically the head of an empire," Lucius says. "We need to remember that this could be beneficial to us as a whole- yes, there is a great chance he will end up in prison and all of us dead, but there is also a chance he could infiltrate much easier under a different disguise, while we try and clean up this mess."

"Have you seen his face, Malfoy? That's gonna be pretty hard to disguise." This comment is met with uneasy laughs from around the room. Lucius just rolls his eyes.

"It will all work out in the end-" he begins to say, and then Bellatrix enters the room, their fallen master right behind her.

The Death Eaters stand and Voldemort enters to raucous amount of applause, and he accepts it and waves even though he has no idea why.

"My Lord Voldemort-" Bellatrix starts, but Voldemort cuts her off.

"I told you, my name is Lord Bob Ramon," he says earnestly. The Death Eaters glance at each other- Lucius wasn't lying. "And you shall continue to refer to me as that or 'my Lord' unless I decide I want a new name."

"Do you have a… last name, my Lord?" Narcissa asks cautiously.

Voldemort ponders this for a moment. "You there!" he shouts. "What is your father's name?"

"M-me?" a tiny witch squeaks out. "O-Olbeck, my Lord."

"Olbeck!" Voldemort yells out. "My name is Lord Bob Ramon Olbeck."

"So your initials are… BRO?" Bellatrix says. A ripple of laughter echoes throughout the room.

"Yes," Voldemort says. "You may also refer to me as Lord Bro."

Bellatrix faints.


	4. Eating Death Is Bad For Your Health

**Thank you so much for all of your support! It means the world to me that you're reading and enjoying!**

* * *

Malfoy Manor

Narcissa guides Bellatrix back to the sitting room so the witch can cool down. In the meantime, the Death Eaters get to explain to Lord Bro just quite what their operation is. They are not looking forward to any odd comments they receive from them, nor do they even have any idea where to start.

"My Lord," Alecto Carrow says. "Do you remember anything? Anything at all?"

"Nothing about myself," Lord Bob Ramon Olbeck says. "Thought I think I remember how to perform some basic human functions. Like breathing. I remember how to breathe."

"Other than that, nothing?" Amycus Carrow asks, a greedy look in his eye.

Lord Bro smiles. "No."

"Well, then, my Lord, we had better start educating you," Lucius says. "You are the head of the largest anti-muggle operation in the world. Do you remember what a muggle is? Do you remember what wizards are?"

Lord Bro ponders this for a moment. "Yes," he decides eventually. "Why do I hate muggles again?"

"Because they're filthy non-magical animals that would try and kill us the moment we revealed ourselves," Dolohov says with bared teeth.

"Right," Lord Bro says, also pondering this. "That makes sense. So we want to kill the muggles and take over the world?"

"Precisely, my Lord, though we use more refined terms than that," Lucius says brusquely. "Cleansing of non-magical bloodlines, perhaps."

Lord Bro makes a noise of agreement in the back of his throat. "Are we slaughtering anyone else?"

"Mudbloods," Rowle spits. "Those of non-magical bloodlines with magical abilities. And the blood traitors, while we're at it."

"Yes, I quite agree," Lord Bro says melochantly. "Why don't we slaughter our enemies while we're at it?"

"Any man, woman, or child that dares stand in our way," Lucius says with malice.

"Excellent," Lord Bob Ramon agrees. "Who are our enemies?"

"Dumbledore is our main opponent," Lucius says. "He has been trying to convince the wizarding world that you are dangerous, but up until very recently the government has not believed him and he was taken for a buffoon. We have, unfortunately, received word that the rest of the world has now been alerted to your presence."

"That is most unfortunate," Lord Bro agrees. "I shall just have to find this Dumbledore man and kill him. Unless he gives out free candy. I love free candy. Who is he?"

"The Headmaster of Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry," Lucius says in a low voice.

Lord Bro laughs. "A teacher? My most dangerous opponent is a teacher? Tell me you're kidding, Lucius, tell me you're kidding."

Lucius does not tell him he's kidding. The rest of the Death Eaters look extremely uncomfortable.

"He is a very powerful teacher, my Lord," Lucius says eventually, sounding like he's about to choke. Lord Bob Ramon decides to drop this particular subject for now, instead switching to a more pressing matter on his mind.

"Alright. So what is our operation called? Lord Bob Ramon and the Ramonettes? We Want To Kill Most Of The World's Population And Call It A Cleansing Incorporated? Lord Bro and Co.?"

"Er," Lucius says. "Not quite, my Lord."

"Very well, we can always change the name," Lord Bob Ramon Olbeck says. "What are we called?"

"The Death Eaters, my Lord," Lucius says. He is _not_ going to call himself a Ramonette, not even for Voldemort.

Lord Bro considers this for a moment. "I'm pretty sure eating death is bad for your health," he says eventually.

Bellatrix, who had just re-entered the room, nearly passes out again.


	5. Why Do You All Have Matching Tattoos?

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* * *

Malfoy Manor

"Okay," Lord Bro says. "I've got this down now. We're the People Who Devour Death-"

"Death Eaters," Lucius interrupts.

"And we kill anyone whose blood is muddy," Lord Bob Ramon finishes. "Alright. I have a couple more questions now that I'd like to ask."

"What is it, my Lord?" Narcissa asks.

"Why do you all have matching tattoos?" Lord Bob asks, pointing to the Dark Mark on Lucius's forearm. Lucius hastily rolls his sleeves down, but it's too late- the damage has been done. The Death Eaters groan.

"It's symbolic, my Lord," Bellatrix says gently, possibly in order to not over-exert herself to the point of screaming. "When you press it, we shall be at your side immediately."

"That makes no sense," Lord Bob says. "Why would I pick this? A snake coming out of a skull's mouth? It's silly."

"It's… it's because we're the Death Eaters, sir," Yaxley says. "That's what the skull is for."

"And the snake?" Lord Bro asks. "The snake is for my pet, right? Hey, where is-"

Bellatrix cuts him off. "The snake is because you're a Parseltongue, sir. You can talk to snakes, and control them, like your famous ancestor Salazar Slytherin."

Lord Bro considers this for a moment. "Okay, but why does the snake have to be coming out of the skull's mouth? Why can't the skull be nestled in a coiled snake, or something? I think that design would've looked much better."

Bellatrix sighs.

"I think it's a bit too late to redesign them, my Lord…" Rodolphus Lestrange says quietly, though he himself seems unsure.

"Wait until we tell him about the floating one in the sky," Lucius mutters to Narcissa.

Unfortunately, Lord Bob Ramon Olbeck hears him.

* * *

Hogwarts

It's been a few days since Harry Potter single-handedly virtually ended the war against Voldemort before it even really begun. The Ministry has been completely over-flocked with people coming and going- at least, that's what the man behind the desk says as Harry gets his wand checked, badge shining on his chest.

He doesn't even know why he's here- someone said something about an interview, but he doubts that's what's going to happen. More likely he's going to be asked to testify against every Death Eater he knows of, so that they can be tracked down- Voldemort is still missing. Dumbledore told him that someone thought Voldemort would infiltrate Hogwarts, disguised as a student, so he could start over and be trained again to be the Dark Lord. Apparently this idea was shot down immediately by Dumbledore simply saying, "I believe you would find it quite difficult to disguise a face like that." Not only did this bring around a raucous amount of laughter, it made Harry feel a bit better about the situation when Dumbledore told him.

"You must understand, Harry, I would not let them have me drag you here under any other circumstances," Dumbledore says. "This is only to aid in the finding and capturing of Lord Voldemort."

"I know, sir," Harry says. Then, "Sir… what about Snape?"

"What about Professor Snape, Harry?" Dumbledore asks placidly.

"Nevermind," Harry says, shaking his head. He was wondering if Snape could simply go to wherever Voldemort was and then tell the Order- he almost considers suggesting this idea to the headmaster when Dumbledore announces that this is where they're stopping.

Harry wonders as he enters and sees a few Ministry members what, if anything, Lord Voldemort can actually remember.


	6. I Came Up With Morsmordre? No Way

**Thank you so much for your support- I am immensely sorry I forgot to update yesterday! Enjoy!**

* * *

Malfoy Manor

"Okay," Lord Bob Ramon says after everyone in the room has recovered from his questioning about the Dark Mark. "Tell me more about this symbol of ours. What is it called?"

"The Dark Mark," Lucius says immediately. Most of the Death Eaters are convinced that this will cause no confusion for Lord Bro, as it is a fairly simple concept to grasp. Unfortunately, they are incorrect- Voldemort's questions just keep growing.

"The Dark Mark," Lord Bob Ramon repeats. "Why the Dark Mark? Why not the Death Mark? We are the Death Eaters, are we not?"

"It is because we go about our mission using practices of the Dark Arts, my Lord," Narcissa says calmly, quietly.

"That makes perfect sense," Lord Bob Ramon Olbeck says. "But I still don't get it," he adds, and everyone in the room groans. Of course, only this new Lord Bro would say he doesn't understand something that makes perfect sense.

"Let's move on," Rodolphus says, glaring at Lucius to change the topic, fast. Lord Bob Ramon catches this, and asks another question.

"What did you say about a floating version of these?" Lord Bro says, pointing to the Dark Mark on Lucius' forearm.

"When we continue on our mission, by killing mudbloods or kidnapping traitors, we send this mark into the sky so that the world knows it was us that did it," Lucius says.

"Hmm," Lord Bro says. "So when authorities show up at a mass murder and see this symbol floating in the air, they know it was us?"

"Exactly!" Travers says, excited that for once Lord Bob Ramon understands something.

"Yeah, okay," Lord Bob says. "How, exactly?"

"It's an incantation, my Lord," Bellatrix says. The Death Eaters glance at her- finally, the terrifying witch is speaking. "You point your wand at the sky and say 'Morsmordre,' and it appears above the dwelling or building."

"Morsmordre," Lord Bro repeats blankly, staring at Bellatrix.

"Yes, my Lord," Bellatrix says, bowing her head slightly, her dark hair covering her eyes.

"I'm sorry if it seems like I don't believe you," Lord Bro says to the witch. "But I just don't think I have enough creative talent to come up with a word like morsmordre."


	7. Who Is This Harry Potter?

**If you're super stressed and you know it, clap your hands! *clap clap* But seriously, guys, thank you for all the support!**

* * *

Hogwarts

Harry Potter glances up from the enjoyable cup of tea he's having. Apparently saving the world while the government is against you has its perks- he's received nothing but admiration in the post for the past several days. Professor Dumbledore is approaching him his usual calm demeanor slightly ruffled. Harry feels a brief flash of anger that he thinks has something to do with Sirius, but dismisses it easily.

"Harry," Dumbledore says, smiling widely. "My boy, you've done very well."

 _Oh,_ Harry thinks. _What have I done this time?_

"We're very near to finding Lord Voldemort, and we'd like you to be there when it happens," Dumbledore continues.

Harry pushes back a slightly rude thought. He's done enough, hasn't he? Can't he enjoy the rest of his exams-free school years in peace, with his friends? Hermione and Ron are very nearly healed, Ginny, Luna, and Neville were let out of the hospital wing a long time ago. Certainly, he's been dealing with a lot of crap from Malfoy and the other Slytherins whose parents he accused of being Death Eaters, but that's nothing new. Why can't the adults just handle the rest?

"Alright," Harry says instead. He sets down his tea- oh, he was so looking forward to one peaceful cup.

Dumbledore beams. "I never doubted you, my boy."

Once again, Harry bites back a few retorts. After this, he can live a peaceful life, right? Right?!

* * *

Malfoy Manor

"Look at this!" Lucius growls, slamming the _Daily Prophet_ down onto the table. Narcissa glances up. Lord Bro jumps. It's been nearly a week since he last asked questions- the Death Eaters have been quietly coming and going from Malfoy Manor, keeping their heads down. Those currently occupying the palace-like house are charged with re-teaching the previous Voldemort everything he'd forgotten, including a variety of basic spells (somehow he still remembered the Unforgivable Curses), along with some information about his own life. Some of the information 'accidentally' got muddled- Amycus Carrow convinced Lord Bro that he committed his first murder at the age of seven years old, just after he robbed the highest-security muggle bank in England. Narcissa righted this swiftly. Alternatively, Dolohov helpfully convinced Lord Bro that he was extremely lenient with Death Eaters when they didn't accomplish tasks, and simply gave them a pat on the back for trying and a better luck next time. Nobody bothered to correct this one.

"What is it, Lukey Pookey?" Lord Bro asks. That was the other thing- Alecto Carrow was tasked with helping Voldemort remember names, and she did not take the job seriously.

"Harry Potter and Albus Dumbledore, Chief Wizard blah blah blah, visited the Ministry today, thought to be working through leads on Lord Voldemort's location," Lucius says, ignoring the nickname, instead staring at his wife.

"If we're found out-" Narcissa starts.

"Don't worry, Cissy," Lord Bob Ramon boasts. "I know all of the spells now. I'll keep us safe."

Narcissa looks at Lucius and rolls her eyes.

"Hey," Lord Bro says. "I know who Alby Dumbdoodle is, but who is this Harry Potter and why is he important?"

"It's said that he's the only one who can defeat you, my Lord," Narcissa says, groaning internally. "Neither can live while the other survives."

"Huh," Lord Bro says. "Is he like Dumblydoor? Old and wizened and experienced?"

"Er…. not exactly," Lucius says. Lord Bro takes a long drink of tea.

"He's fifteen, my Lord," Narcissa says.

Lord Bro spits out his drink.

"He's _what_?!" Lord Bob Ramon cries. "I'm fighting a teenager? A teenager?! What kind of madness is this? No, I refuse to accept this. I will fight Doodlebanoodle, but I will not risk my dignity fighting a _teenager_. I'd kill him! That'd ruin my image completely!"  
Husband and wife share a look. Harry Potter is the reason they're in this mess with a completely incompetent Dark Lord in the first place.


	8. Why Is Being Pureblood Important?

**Surprise, I forgot to update yesterday! Harry and Dumbledore are closing in... thank you all for your wonderful reviews!**

* * *

Malfoy Manor

"Hellooo? Can you hear me? I know you're listening, Lukey-Pookey. I said, how long until we bust out of this place?" Lord Bob Ramon Olbeck taps his foot impatiently.

"What makes you believe we are trapped here, my Lord?" Lucius asks, rolling his eyes. He's on baby-sitting duty this afternoon- er, Dark Lord-sitting.

"We haven't left. All the doors and windows are shut and locked." Lord Bro counts on his fingers as he names each reason. "Everyone else is leaving but you and Cissy-poo. And me. So we're trapped here."

"This is my house," Lucius says, rolling his eyes yet again.

"Yeah, okay," Lord Bob Ramon says, obviously unsatisfied. "Sure. How do you even have this big of a house, anyways?"

"It's been in the family for a long time," Lucius says. "We're a very important pureblooded family, my Lord."

"Purebloods," Lord Bob Ramon says. "Why is being pureblood important?"

"Purebloods are wizards that have not been inflicted by the disgusting blood of muggles, my Lord," Lucius says. "Even you should-"

"I know what a pureblood is," Lord Bro says. "But I'm not even pureblood, so why is it important?"

Lucius looks at Lord Bro sharply.

Lord Bro stares back.

"Look at my skin!" Lord Bro says. "And my eyes! And I have _no nose_ , for God's sake! How could I be pureblood with this obvious bodily defectiveness?"

Lucius sighs. "You're half-immortal, my Lord, of course you're going to have to make sacrifices if you want to rule the world."

Lord Bro huffs. "Bellatrix showed me a memory of when I was younger," he pouts, looking like a small child. Lucius notes that Bellatrix has been the only one not to receive a nickname from the increasingly more childlike Lord Bro, and the rest of the Death Eaters are placing bets on whether he's going to start calling her Bella or Trixie.

"How does Trixie even have access to memories of you when you were younger?" Lucius asks, putting a bit of emphasis on 'Trixie.' He has quite a heavy wager on it- not that the money really matters, but he thinks it would be most amusing to see Bellatrix put down a bit- she can't hex the Dark Lord for giving her nicknames.

Lord Bro shrugs. "But if I looked like that," he adds. "I would have already taken over the world. Look at the muggle media- there are beautiful people ruling their world!"  
"The… muggle Prime Minister?" Lucius asks, growing more and more confused. "Who showed you the muggle media?"

"Not the Primary Miser," Lord Bro says. "The celebrities! Hasselhoffman, Davey Beckchicken! Infinite models!"

"Super models?" Lucius asks. Lord Bro nods. "David… Hasselhoff? David Beckham?"

Lord Bro nods again.

"Maybe I should change my name to David," he says, pondering.

"No!" Lucius says. "No, that won't be necessary, my Lord. Who was it that showed you the muggle media? How do you even know these people?"

"Oh, I think it was as a joke, they were trying to convince me I was David Beckturkey's long-lost brother," Lord Bob Ramon says. "The monkey man and his giraffe sister."

"Amycus and Alecto Carrow?" Lucius asks, raising an eyebrow.

Lord Bob Ramon nods vigorously.

Lucius sighs. He should never have let them Dark Lord-sit after the first time. He gets up with the intent to track them down- Lord Bro will be fine on his own for a little while.

As he leaves, Lord Bob Ramon calls after him, "I still don't get what the big deal about being pureblooded is!"

* * *

Ministry of Magic

"We've searched through several homes of known Death Eaters," the Ministry official says to a mild-looking Dumbledore and a slightly-confused Harry. "Apart from several Dark artifacts, we've found no trace of their residents, nor of He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named."

"That's quite alright," Dumbledore says. "Have you searched Malfoy Manor yet?"

The official looks startled. "N-no, sir," he says. "The Malfoy family are very respected, yes, donated quite a bit… we'd never dream-"

"With all due respect, sir, Lucius Malfoy is also a Death Eater," Harry interrupts, who's beginning to get a bit tired of the Malfoys being backed up by the Ministry. He'd also quite like to wipe the smirk off of Draco's face. "And you have myself, five of my school-friends, and probably about seven other members of the Order who would testify against them."

The Ministry official blanches.

"Yes, yes, very well, then," he says. "I'll have to speak to the Minister…"

Dumbledore smiles. "I'm sure it won't be a problem," he says, a familiar twinkle in his eyes. "Harry, would you care to join us?"

Harry, who would quite like to just go back to Hogwarts, but who would also quite like to give the Minister a piece of his mind, nods.


	9. Where Is My Snake? I Want My Snake

**Wow, for once I'm actually updating on a Wednesday, albeit late at night. Thank you all for your continued support!**

* * *

Malfoy Manor

"Are you alright, my Lord?" Bellatrix asks, lip quivering. She's been a complete mess since all of this happened, and she really just wants the Dark Lord back to his old self. She's the only one that's been actually trying to help him piece his memory back together- the rest of the Death Eaters like this version better, and honestly, deep down, she can't blame them. Still she'll repress that part of herself until it becomes clear trying to get the Dark Lord to remember anything at all is futile.

That is not the case right now, however. Lord Bob Ramon Olbeck looks… thoughtful, as if he actually does remember something- the face of an old friend, perhaps.

"Yes," Lord Bro muses. "Yes, I just…" he trails off. Bellatrix goes back to the shelves she's scanning through, trying to find a proper book about Dark Magic, thinking maybe it will trigger something inside of his mind. Lord Bro is seated in a leather armchair by a fireplace, hands folded in front of his chin, staring into the flame.

"I've got it!" he shouts suddenly, standing up abruptly. Bellatrix nearly falls over that's how startled she is, and her wand is out and about to curse the Dark Lord because he sounds so much unlike his usual self.

"What, my Lord?" Bellatrix asks, rushing to his side. "What is it?"

"Where is my snake?" Lord Bro asks, turning to her darkly.

"W-what?" Bellatrix asks.

"Where is my snake?" Lord Bob Ramon repeats. "I want my snake."

Bellatrix's jaw drops, then her face brightens. "You remembered something!" she cries gleefully. "Oh, that's wonderful-"

"Not now, Trixie," Lord Bro snaps, and her face falls. " _I want my snake_."

He storms out of the library, Bellatrix hurrying after him. He stops at the first Death Eater he comes across- Wormtail, showing up for the first time since Lord Bro returned. He had probably been off quivering somewhere with his silver hand, Bellatrix thinks, glaring at him from behind Lord Bro's back. "You there," Lord Bob Ramon booms. "What is my snake's name?"

"Na-Nagini, my Lord," Wormtail says, bowing his head.

"Nagini," Lord Bro tries. "An excellent name. Finally, an _actual_ name, wouldn't you agree, Trixie?"

"Yes, my Lord," Bellatrix says, slightly put off by the name Trixie. No matter, she stands a little taller- her master values her opinion now, it seems. "An excellent name indeed."

"Yes," Lord Bro nods, turning back to Wormtail. "What is your name, good sir?" he barks.

"Wormtail, my Lord," Wormtail says, looking like he'd quite like to scurry away.

"Wormy it is, then," Lord Bro says. "Where could I find my snake, Wormy?"

Wormtail points over his shoulder and runs, brushing past Bellatrix, who snarls at him. Lord Bro is already stalking through the halls of Malfoy Manor, screaming Nagini's name at the top of his lungs.

Bellatrix sees the snake first, slithering toward them, having finally heard her master's voice (albeit in English rather than Parseltongue). The snake stops short of Lord Bro and hisses something unintelligible to Bellatrix. Lord Bro looks taken aback for a moment, then positively delighted as he hisses back.

Lord Bro promptly collapsing onto the ground, trying to hug the snake. Bellatrix takes off in the other direction, screaming for Narcissa or Lucius to deal with this, it's their house.

* * *

Ministry of Magic

"Absolutely not!" Cornelius Fudge says. "The Malfoy family has always been well-respected… very generous… you must understand, Dumbledore-"

"You must understand that what Harry is about to say to you you should not take lightly," Dumbledore interrupts him, glancing down at Harry.

"They're generous with their money so they'll be in your good books and won't get in trouble for possessing numerous Dark objects and harboring fugitives," Harry says pointedly and swiftly. "Including Lord Voldemort."

Fudge shudders at the name.

"All right, all right," he says finally, after much more convincing on the parts of Harry and Dumbledore. "I'll take a team."

"We'll come with you," Dumbledore says brightly, knowing the job won't get done if they don't. Fudge sighs. Harry smiles.


	10. I Think I Just Joined A Cult

**As always, please enjoy!**

* * *

Malfoy Manor

Lord Bob Ramon Olbeck looks around at all of the people gathered around him. The Death Eaters have all met back up to see Lord Bro's (limited) progress on recovering his memory.

So Lord Bro looks at the people in dark cloaks, with marks tattooed on their arms that can also float in the sky, strange words that sound like they come from different languages, odd names and weird enemies, then lays a hand on the snake wrapped around his neck.

"I'm pretty sure I just joined a cult," Lord Bob Ramon announces loudly.

The Death Eaters groan and look at each other.

"What's even the point?" someone groans. "He's never going to get his memory back."

"It might not be our problem for much longer," Lucius says, storming back into the room- the man had been keeping guard outside, just in case the meeting was interrupted. "Because I've just been alerted by Yaxley. The Ministry is on its way."

Most of the Death Eaters begin to Disapparate immediately, fleeing as fast as they can. Only a few remain, watching Lord Bro.

"What do we do with him?" Narcissa hisses.

"Take him with us," Bellatrix says, as if this answer should be obvious.

"We can't leave here," Lucius snarls. "This is my home and I will not have them blaming us."

"Well, what do we do then?" Narcissa asks her husband, quieting Bellatrix's protests.

"I can hear you, you know," Lord Bob Ramon says loudly.

"Let the Ministry search the house," Lucius says.

"They'll find him!" Bellatrix screeches.

"No, they won't," Narcissa says decidedly. "Because he won't be here."

"Excuse me?" Bellatrix yells as her sister.

"Excuse me?" Lord Bro echoes.

"I will not have the safety of my family and home be threatened for the sake of an incompetent leader that can't even remember he's a leader," Narcissa says, as if daring anyone left in the room to contradict her. "Meaning you're going to have to leave, too, Bellatrix, because you aren't supposed to be here. Unless you want to be arrested. Though I'm sure you have somewhere to stay."

"Yes, Rodolphus' parents," Bellatrix says, sneering at her sister. "I'll take him with me."

"No!" Lord Bro says. "I'm staying here with my snake!"

"No, you're not, my Lord," Lucius says. "I'm sorry, but you heard my wife."

Lord Bro raises an eyebrow and stands up. "Do I need to remind you who your master is, Lukey? Lest you face the wrath of Lord Bro." For a moment Lord Bro seemed once again like the fearsome Lord Voldemort, then he adds the nickname and the moment is broken.

"Yes," Lucius says. "Because it's no longer you."

Narcissa draws her wand, holding it limp toward the ground, signaling that she'll use it if necessary.

"Fine," Lord Bro snarls. "I don't need you people anyways. I'll start my own cult."

"My Lord-" Bellatrix starts.

"No," Lord Bro says. "Be quiet, Trixie. You may find me later, once my cult has started, and you can be my second in command. You people- you Malfees- you will not be invited to join Lord Bro and the Ramonettes!"

Lucius and Narcissa glance at each other as Lord Bob storms out of the room in a fit of rage. Bellatrix almost starts after him, but her sister calls her back.

"Wait," Narcissa says. "The Ministry is coming."

Bellatrix sneers and continues off. They make it as far as the garden before Albus Dumbledore begins to approach- the Ministry is here.

Bellatrix Disapparates immediately. Lord Bro glances around.

"Hello!" he says brightly. "You must be Alby Dumble-face! I've heard a lot about you! Wow, this is a nice garden- I've only ever seen the inside of the house."

Lord Bob spots Harry behind Dumbledore's back, looking like he's trying not to laugh.

"You must be the hairy potter!" Lord Bro cries gleefully. "I've heard so much about all of you- Chocolate Man, the Minister of Magical Things! Wow! So many famous people!"  
Cornelius Fudge takes a few steps back. "Search the house," he orders the Aurors behind him, trying to avoid Lord Bro's gaze.

"We'll need to send him to St. Mungo's to be evaluated, I think, Cornelius," Dumbledore says. "Please set Healer Smethwyck on the job, they've had lots of practice with dear Mister Gilderoy…"

"I-I-I-" Fudge stammers, staring at Lord Bro in terror.

"Tom," Dumbledore says calmly. "We're going to take you to the hospital now to evaluate you. If there is any way to get your memory back-"

"We won't be doing it!" Fudge says loudly. "We'll send him away, or lock him up! Or send him to the muggle world!"  
"Hmm," Dumbledore says. "No, he knows about magic, don't you, Tom?"

"Me?" Lord Bro says, realizing that he is this 'Tom' they're speaking of. "Hm, yes, I suppose I do."

"Then we'll send him to Hogwarts, for God's sake!" Fudge cries. "Anywhere where he won't cause trouble and I don't have to see him!"  
"Sir," Harry says to Dumbledore. "Are you sure it's the best idea…?"

"Yes, Harry," Dumbledore says. "He can spend some time at St. Mungo's first."

Harry looks at Lord Bro in distaste.

"Hello!" Lord Bob says brightly to all of the people gathered around him. "I'm Lord Bob Ramon Olbeck, but you can call me Lord Bro!"  
Harry Potter laughs out loud.

* * *

 **And there's the end of Act One! The beginning of Act Two will be posted in two weeks instead of one, so I have some time to gather my thoughts. Thank you all for your continued support!**


	11. I've Told You Already, I Don't Remember

**I'M BACK! That's right everyone, and Lord Bro is here with me! Thank you all for your patience in my brief hiatus, it's been much appreciated on my part. I've decided that there will be nine chapters in this act, then Act Three will have five chapters and a brief epilogue. Not to worry- there are still plenty more chapters to go! Whew! As always, thank you all so much for reading and reviewing!**

* * *

St. Mungo's Hospital, Late June 1996

* * *

"Alright. Bring him in."

The man in the chair turns around to face the window, nodding as he speaks. The woman at the consol looks back at the two standing behind her. The badge on her lapel clearly reads "Anna Jones."

"You understand that you're here solely to observe?" the witch says. Harry James Potter and Albus Percival Wulfric Brian Dumbledore both nod solemnly, though she wasn't just talking to them. Anna Jones turns back to the window, then angles the microphone closer to her mouth.

"Alright, Smith, I'm sending him in now." Harry glances back at the people gathered around him- dozens of witches and wizards, medical and Ministry alike, have gathered to witness the interrogation of the former Lord Voldemort.

The large metal door slides open, revealing two dementors and a pale-looking man, brought down from his former glory. He looks unaffected by the two dementors.

"Why?" Harry asks, knowing Dumbledore will know what he's thinking.

"He does not remember," Dumbledore says, looking slightly disgusted at the dementors, and slightly amused at the way Lord Voldemort treats them.

"You can let go of me, I'm not going anywhere," Lord Voldemort says. "You people have been hanging around me ever since I got here."

"Please have a seat," Smith says pleasantly, gesturing to the chair across from him. Lord Voldemort sits, the dementors leave, and the metal door slides closed.

"I'm just going to be asking you a few questions, alright," Smith says calmly.

"Yes, fine, get it on with, I was busy examining a calendar of fancy hippogriffs the man across from me was in possession of. He calls himself Gilderoy, what a silly name!"

Harry snickers. If Hermione were here, she probably would have kicked him.

"What is your name?" Smith asks.

"Lord Bob Ramon Olbeck," Lord Voldemort answers proudly. "But my friends call me Lord Bro."

"Your given name," Smith clarifies, unamused.

"This is my given name," Voldemort says. "I gave it to myself."

Smith sighs.

"When did you arrive here?" he asks.

"About a minute ago," Lord 'Bro' says.

Smith sighs again.

"At the hospital," he says.

"Oh." Lord Bro thinks about this for a moment. "About, hmm, three weeks?"

"And have you remembered anything in your treatment here?" Smith asks.

"I remember my snake," Voldemort says. "And Trixie and Cissy and Lukey-Pookey and all the other Ramonettes. But other than that, no."

"Ramonettes?" Smith asks.

"Death Eaters," Anna Jones hisses, shuffling through the papers around her- notes on Voldemort's condition.

"What is your earliest memory?" Smith asks.

"Hmm," Lord Bro says. "When I woke up, saw all those horrid people in dark cloaks, and then saw my face in the mirror. _Hideous_."

Harry snickers again

"You remember nothing of trying to take over the world?" Smith asks.

Lord Bro shakes his head.

"I can't see why I would," he replies. "When Lukey-Pookey says that there's always someone to stop me."

"Who is this… this… Lukey… Pookey?" Smith asks, sounding like he's trying not to choke. This time Harry does laugh.

"He's the man whose house I stayed at," Lord Bro answers. "Oh, no, I wasn't supposed to tell you that. Now he'll be mad."

"Lucius Malfoy?" Smith asks, and Lord Bro nods vigorously. "He won't be coming anywhere near you, don't worry. What happened in the events leading up to this? You were given Veritaserum, no?"

"Yes, I was," Lord Bro says.

"Do you still have a desire to purge the world of Muggles and Muggle-borns?" Smith asks.

"Oh, no," Lord Bro says. "I don't at all. The man next to me, I think he's called Bodhi or something, he's a Muggle-born and he's wonderful! Only, he alternates between making dog noises and incomplete sentences…"

"Thank you, Lord Bro, that will be enough," Anna Jones says quickly into the microphone before he can go off on a tangent. "The dementors will take you back to your bed now."

"One question," Lord Bro says as he stands.

"Yes?" Smith asks. Harry snickers, anticipating the question that Dumbledore says Voldemort has been asking every hour, on the hour, for the two weeks and six days he's been here.

"Where is my snake? I want my snake."


	12. I Did WHAT!

**Happy (late) holidays to all those who celebrate!**

St. Mungo's Hospital

"I just don't get it!" Lord Bob Ramon Olbeck, previous Lord Voldemort, previous Tom Marvolo Riddle complains. The man in the bed across from him makes a 'mm' noise. "Why don't they like me? I'm a perfectly likable person!"

"If you asked me," Gilderoy Lockhart, former Hogwarts Defense Against the Dark Arts professor, former celebrity, says, leaning forward. "I think they don't like your face! Have you looked in a mirror recently? Now, if it were me, well, I wouldn't have that problem. Did you know, I've won the Witch Weekly Best Smile Award five years in a row! I just found out a few weeks ago. Five years in a row! Now, with you face- well, maybe you could win the snake-face award?"

Lord Bro looks at Gilderoy with a monotone face.

"No," he says, then turns away to face the wall. He has deduced that whatever he did in his past must have been very bad for everyone to hate him like they did when he first arrived at the hospital. Within a week he had grown on all of the Healers in his ward, whom he overhead calling him "like a grown man with the mind of a child. Adorable." He is still not quite sure if this is a good thing or a bad thing, but now, three weeks later, he thinks most of the people in the hospital like him, maybe.

"Have you tried asking people why they don't like you?" Gilderoy offers. "If all fails, you could always try a memory charm! I heard that I was very good at those, oh yes… did you know, Lord Bro, that I get fan mail?!"

"I think I'll skip the memory charm," Lord Bro muses. "But the asking bit… that couldn't hurt, could it?"

Precisely ten minutes later, when a Healer comes to check on everyone in the memory ward, Lord Bro pops the question.

"Why does no one like me?" he asks.

The Healer looks at him for a solid sixty seconds before laughing.

"Has no one told you, you silly boy?" she asks, and Lord Bro shakes his head. The Healer begins a detailed story of everything that Lord Voldemort did that was ever worth mentioning. Throughout it all, Lord Bro's face grows more and more horrified.

"I did that?" he shrieks at one such point.

"Er, yes, you did," the Healer says. Lord Bro gags and rushes into the bathroom.

Gilderoy shrugs at the Healer.

Lord Bro comes back in several moments later.

"I need to write an apology," he announces.

"I wasn't even halfway done," the Healer says blankly.

Lord Bro's eyes widen and he rushes into the bathroom again.

Another ten minutes later finds Lord Bro with a bucket on his lap, listening to the Healer finish telling the story.

"Alright," Lord Bro says when they finally get to the present. "I definitely need to write an apology."

"You mean… you don't think any of that was right?" the Healer asks cautiously.

"Of course not!" Lord Bro shrieks. "What kind of a sick weirdo do you think I am? Come on, I need to apologize to the entire wizarding community. This Lord Voldemort was a disgusting excuse for a human being! I, Lord Bob Ramon Olbeck, vow to be a better person! I will feed the hungry, house the homeless, and end the war on muggles and muggleborns if it is the last thing I do! But first- I need to go to the bathroom again."


	13. I Come Up With A Plan

**Happy new year to all of you lovely people! My sincerest apologies if updates are a bit late and chapters are shorter in the coming weeks, I have the end of semester final exams to prepare for and the next show our school is performing (I'm on stage crew for that). But I'll keep trying to update on Wednesdays and give that same Lord Bro content!**

* * *

St. Mungo's Hospital

Lord Bro looks up and smiles. Gilderoy Lockhart scoffs. "I bet I could have done better," the ex-celebrity sneers. Lord Bro shrugs and gestures to the pile of mail surrounding him, covering the hospital bed and falling to the floor. Half of the mail may be hate mail, sure, but the other half is from people that read his full apology and wanted to profusely express their awe in how Lord Bro had improved and that while he did was unacceptable, they may forgive him if he could prove himself. Well, that's a bit of an overstatement- the numbers, at least. Probably more like three-fourths is still hate mail. Or maybe seven-eighths. At least people read the heartfelt apology!

The Healers have been searching through the mail before they give it to him, worried that someone will send a curse with a letter filled with hatred.

"See, you still get loads of hate," Gilderoy says, sniffing haughtily. "I don't get any hate."

Lord Bro raises an eyebrow (or, he would, if he had any hair). He knows for a fact that half of the man's mail is from people dissing him for wiping the memories of innocent heroes and claiming he did their good deeds. He tries to imitate Gilderoy's haughty sniff, but it doesn't quite have the same effect (because he doesn't have a nose, a fact which severely disappoints him every time he walks past a mirror).

"Hey," Lord Bro says suddenly. "I have a good idea."

Gilderoy looks at him, annoyed.

"Have you been to the gift shop?" Lord Bro asks.

Gilderoy shakes his head.

"Let's go to the gift shop," Lord Bro says.

"The door is locked," Gilderoy says, rolling his eyes.

The man in the bed next to Lord Bro barks. Both men look over suddenly.

"I unlock- BARK- door!" the man says, holding up a wand.

"Thank you!" Lord Bro says brightly. "That's very kind of you! What did you say happened to you again?"  
"My brother- RUFF- curse," the man says. "I no- RUFF- English!"

"Yes, that's very interesting," Lord Bro says as the man unlocks the door with nonverbal magic. "I do hope you regain control of the English language, or at least, some human dialect that a person somewhere can understand. Good luck!"  
He grabs Gilderoy's hand and drags him out the door. He has a master plan- once he gets to the gift shop, he'll send Gilderoy in as a distraction, then take off and try and find his snake!


	14. Gilderoy Is Not Smart

**Again, sorry for a shorter chapter, starting to get busy! Please enjoy!**

* * *

St. Mungo's Hospital Break Room

"Sir, we have a problem," Healer Yilthew says, bursting into the breakroom. The Healers and assistants on break look up at him.

"We're on break, it's not our problem," Head Healer Ilburn replies, eating a donut.

"It's a really big problem," Healer Yilthew says, looking as if she's trying not to cry. "It's- it's the memory ward patients, sir. It's happened. What we've always been dreading."

Head Healer Ilburn's eyes widen. "Good God," he says.

* * *

St. Mungo's Hospital Coffee Shop

"I'm not sure if this is a good idea," Gilderoy hisses.

"Nonsense!" Lord Bro says, giving him a little shove. "It's an excellent idea!"

Gilderoy looks around at all of the people in the gift shop- they're here for him! They're all watching him- he needs a stage! Yes, a stage! He runs and jumps onto a table. The people sitting at it scramble away.

"Good people of the Saint Mungo's Gift and Tea… well, something or other. I am Gilderoy Lockhart, and I can do joined writing!"

There's silence as the visitors stare at Gilderoy, then they go back to whatever they were doing, figuring it's just a patient and the Healers have it under control.

"Now, we can't have this!" Gilderoy yells. "Pay attention to me! Do you know who I am and what I have done? I am Gilderoy Lockhart, you peasants, and I didn't learned joined writing for nothing? Who wants an autograph?"  
He is met with silence as the visitors continue chattering and drinking their tea. "Come on!" he yells. "Who's going to go first?"  
No one answers him.

Gilderoy sees red. He gives an unhuman-like roar and jumps off the table. Then he starts screeching like a banshee and running around the gift shop. Patrons shriek and rush for the exits. Lord Bro grins and allows himself to be caught up in the rush of people moving down the stairs. Many people just go back to those that they were visiting, but Lord Bro heads straight with a few others back down to the lobby.

He's so close- so close! He's just about to exit when suddenly someone grabs his arm. He looks up at the face of Albert Perseus Wolfy Brain Doodledumb, who is smiling at him.

"Hello," Doodledumb says.

The Healers rush on them, grabbing Lord Bro's arms and dragging him back to the memory ward.

"I just want my snake!" Lord Bro howls.


	15. Doodledumb Visits!

**I just loove the end of the semester- almost as much as Lord Bro loves being away from his snake! That is to say, not at all. I do sincerely hope you enjoy, and thank you all for reading!**

* * *

St. Mungo's Hospital

"What are you doing out here, Lord Bob Ramon Olbeck?" Doodledumb asks curiously. Lord Bro crosses his arms and pouts like a small child.

"I was trying to get to my snake," he says quietly.

"What was that?" Doodledumb asks pleasantly, peering at Lord Bro over his glasses. "I'm afraid I'm going quite hard of hearing in my old age." There is a twinkle in his eyes that Lord Bro instantly hates, possibly because he knows that Doodledumb isn't hard of hearing at all.

"My snake," Lord Bro says louder as Healers rush at him, guiding him back toward the elevator. "I want my snake!"

"I'm sure you do," Doodledumb hums, still in that pleasant tone. "Where is Head Healer Ilburn? I need to discuss a few things about the former Lord Voldemort's developments- that is why I was called here, correct?"

A tiny, balding man shoves through the crowd of Healers surrounding them, snapping at everyone to get out of his way. There's a very tall woman behind him- she must be a solid two feet taller than the tiny man.

"Yes, that is correct," the tiny man says- he must be Head Healer- what was it? Illegal Burn? "A high-risk patient convincing another to commit a felony-"

"There was hardly any felony committed, Head Healer Ilburn," Doodledumb says. "Simply a man wanting his pet."

"Yes!" Lord Bro says, stamping his foot, his arms restrained by several other Healers, even though he isn't trying to get away. "I just want my snake!"  
"With all due respect, Professor Dumbledore, sir, he did push a man down the stairs," the very tall woman behind Illegal Burn says.

"I did do that, yes," Lord Bro says, thinking. "But I really just want my-"

"Don't worry, Healer Oswald," Doodledumb says to the tall woman. "I'm sure it won't be happening again." He looks at Lord Bro as if he's staring into his soul. Lord Bro gulps and suddenly feels much shorter.

Illegal Burn and the tall woman- Oz Wand- both look at Lord Bro, then back at Doodledumb.

"And see what we can do about getting him his snake, yes?" Doodledumb says. "If he proves harmless in the next couple of days, I don't see why not. Monitor him, yes? I believe this problem has been handled." He winks at Lord Bro before the other Healers drag him off. He's back in his room in no time, his protests instantly quieted. Gilderoy is already there, arms crossed and looking unhappy, as a Healer scolds him for creating a ruckus.

"Jumping on the table was enough, Gilderoy, but pointing your finger and trying to cure a patient's hives by exclaiming 'Ugly Away-icus' was too far!"

Lord Bro almost laughs.

"How did you two get the door open, anyways?" the Healer asks, rounding on Lord Bro.

The two glance at the man who half-barks, half-speaks broken English, and whose name they can never remember. He's asleep. They lock eyes and make an unspoken agreement- his wandless magic will come very much in handy if they ever want to pull a stunt like that again.

"Someone must have left that door open!" Gilderoy exclaims.

"Crazy, right?" Lord Bro cries as the group of Healers surrounding him leads him to his bed and try and convince him to take a nap. "It's almost like magic!"


	16. I Just Want My Snake

**Bit of a short chapter, sorry, I'm knee-deep in studying and other work! But, I hope you enjoy nonetheless, and thank you all so much for your support and reviews!**

* * *

St. Mungo's Hospital

"His condition is growing increasingly more concerning! All he talks about is that damn snake!" Head Healer Illegal Burn shouts.

"I'm right here, you know," Lord Bro points out politely and patiently.

"We know," Healer Oz Wand grunts, looking extremely unhappy. "It wasn't our choice."

"Nonsense," Doodledumb says. "It's been three days and he's caused no trouble. I don't see why he can't have his snake."

"What if it starts talking to him and he gets his memory back?" Illegal Burn asks. "Will it be _your_ problem then?"

"I assure you, if Lord Bob Ramon Olbeck gets his memory back along with his snake, you will have a medical miracle on your hands," another Healer, the one that's been partially in charge of him, says. "And you will also have Lord Voldemort in Azkaban. Or dead."

"The only thing stopping him from death as he is is the fact that we won't let them into the hospital without a proper warrant," Illegal Burn sniffs. "Do you know how many times the Auror has been here, Dumbledore? Seven. In the past _ten days alone_."

"I'll talk to the Minister," Doodledumb says politely. "I suggest you go about returning Lord Bro's snake to him."  
"Thank you," Lord Bro sniffs haughtily. "How is Lukey-Pookey doing?"

"Excuse me?" Illegal Burn asks.

"Lukey-Pookey," Lord Bro replies. "And Cissy and Trixie."

"Lucius Malfoy, Narcissa Malfoy, and Bellatrix Lestrange?" Oz Wand asks. "Malfoy and Lestrange are in captivity along with a bunch of your other old buddies. Narcissa agreed to testify against them all if we would incarcerate her son. She's been given the shortest sentence, if you're wondering. Something about arranged marriages or politics or something I don't understand." Oz Wand twirls her wand in her fingers and Lord Bro decides he likes her and voices this. She gives a very bland 'whoo-pee' and continues staring at the table in a bored manner.

"Yes, well, I suppose we should try and find your snake now," Illegal Burn says haughtily. "I don't suppose _you'd_ know how to do that?"

Lord Bro shrugs.

* * *

Wizard Court, Ministry of Magic

"You are Severus Snape?"

"I… am."

"And you claim to know the whereabouts of the missing Death Eaters? Carrow, Carrow, Dolohov, Rowle, Lestrange?"

"I do… know the whereabouts… of those people."

"And you will give them to us if we set you free?"

"I will. But… I think the late Lord Voldemort, currently Lord Bob Ramon Olbeck… would prefer if you called them the Ramonettes…"

* * *

 **Snape is here! I wonder what he thinks of Lord Bro's... condition. Thank you all again for your continued support!**


	17. Gilderoy Is Dumb, Part Two

**Sorry it's a couple of days late- so a somewhat longer chapter. As always, thank you all for your continued support!**

* * *

St Mungo's Hospital

"Psst. Gilderoy. Hey, Gilderoy."

Gilderoy glances up at Lord Bro. "What do you want?" Gilderoy complains. "Every time I do something with you, I get in trouble and you get off scot free."

"Who is this Scott Free you speak of?" Lord Bro asks. "I'd like to meet him. No, nevermind. We're going to break out of here and get my snake."

"It's the middle of the night," Gilderoy hisses. "Go back to bed."

Lord Bro glances over at the man in the bed next to him, who is awake. "Would you like the come with us?" he asks.

"Yes," the man nods, then barks loudly. Lord Bro hisses at him.

"Fine, but you have to promise to be quiet," Lord Bro says, standing up, still fully clothed. "Gilderoy, let's go!"

"I never agreed to any of this," Gilderoy moans, climbing out of bed nonetheless. He, too, is still fully clothed. The barking man (Lord Bro doesn't know his name- Joe is fitting, the former dark lord decides. Or perhaps a nice Lukey. He can always use a replacement for the last Lukey-Pookey, and this one is so much more useful).

"If we meet new people, you can give them autographs with joined writing!" Lord Bro says earnestly. Gilderoy perks up.

"Alright, let's go!" he says excitedly. "I'll need a stack of my pictures though… so many people love me! Did you know, Gladys-"

"Shut up!" Lord Bro hisses at him. "Let's bust out of here!"  
Joe/Lukey barks and points to the window. Lord Bro shakes his head. They'd have to go past the curtains, and he can't help but feel uncomfortable whenever he looks over there. He tries the door- some idiot left it unlocked. Lord Bob Ramon snickers and gestures for them to exit. The three creep out of the ward and down the stairs. The hospital is suspiciously empty. Lord Bro disregards this completely and continues on his way, his two new cronies following behind him. They creep down to the reception area, encountering no one on the stairs. Once they're in the reception area, the welcome witch is also curiously absent.

"Where is everyone?" Gilderoy whispers. "HELLO? IS THERE ANYBODY HERE?"  
"Shh!" Lord Bro hisses, clamping his hand over Gilderoy's mouth. "How stupid are you, Gilderoy? This is a good thing!"

"Is it?" Gilderoy asks. Joe/Lukey rolls his eyes- he may not have a complete grasp over any recognizable language, but even _he_ can tell that Gilderoy is an idiot.

"I'm here."

All three jump and stare at the boy that is now standing in front of them.

"Good graces, it's Perry Otter!" Gilderoy exclaims loudly. Lord Bro shushes him again.

"Harry Potter," the boy, who can't be more than sixteen years old, says. "And I'll come with you." Lord Bro sees the strain in his voice as if he is being forced to do this but chooses to disregard it in favor of a travelling companion that speaks his language and isn't a complete buffoon. He vaguely remembers someone telling him that this Perry Otter and he had been trying to kill each other, but also disregards this thought because the boy speaks his language and _isn't a complete buffoon_.

"Excellent, we'd love to have you!" Lord Bro says brightly. "My name is Lord Bob Ramon Olbeck, but you may call me Lord Bro! Now, young Perry Otter, we are going on an epic quest to return my snake to me! I last saw her at the Manor of Cissy and Lukey-Pookey- not you, Joe Lukey, the other Lukey-"

"Malfoy Manor?" Perry Otter asks.

"That's the one!" Lord Bro says excitedly. "Yes, indeed. I believe we should start by going there and screaming loudly for several minutes, then returning here for hot drinks."

"Excellent plan," Perry Otter says, looking as if he'd like to be anywhere else in the world. Joe/Lukey barks in agreement. Gilderoy huffs.

"I could've come up with a better plan."

* * *

St Mungo's Undercover Operations Room

"You really think this is a good idea, Dumbledore?" Head Healer Ilburn huffs. Dumbledore nods, smiling.

"The Minister has sent his best Aurors to trail the group," Dumbledore says brightly. "And our young Harry was more than willing and up to the task- anything to get away from his aunt and uncle, I believe, is an opportunity he will gladly take."

Head Healer Ilburn shrugs. "And the fact that two other- mentally unstable, may I add- patients are going with them?"

"I see no trouble, as you've sent some Healers with the Aurors," Dumbledore says. "If Lord Bob Ramon Olbeck shows any signs of being a threat, the Aurors will take him down immediately. This is, after all, merely to see if his memory is regained by Dark objects. If not, well, I'm afraid he'll be here for a very long time."

"And if his memory is regained?"

"Well, then he'll be in Azkaban for a very long time."

Head Healer Ilburn rolls his eyes again. Like most of the wizarding population, he's half convinced that Dumbledore is completely mad- but, he is Dumbledore, so he'll just roll with it like everyone else does. Besides, how much of a loss would the Dark Lord be?

There's a pause, then Head Healer Ilburn says to Dumbledore, "You're really calling him Lord Bob Ramon Olbeck?"


	18. Okay, Gilderoy Is Definitely An Idiot

**I'm so sorry I skipped a week of updating! My life suddenly got really busy and I wanted to be sure I could bring you the best quality Lord Bro & Co. content as possible! Thank you all in advance for reading, and I hope you enjoy this little bit (kind of a filler chapter) before the grand finale! Also, just know that I read and definitely appreciate each of your reviews- I simply lack the time to respond. But I love them and I love you guys, so without further ado- this week's chapter!**

* * *

Somewhere In England

Harry has to admit, it's not quite as bad as he thought it would be.

When Professor Dumbledore approached him with the idea, he was completely against it. Voldemort and Lockhart in one place, with him, for who knows how long? No contact with the outside world? No, thank you. Then Dumbledore pointed out that Harry would get to leave the Dursley's for the rest of the summer, and after another day of pondering it over in which Vernon nearly lost his mind, Harry agreed quickly.

Now, he realizes, it's not so bad. Granted, it's not as bad as he thought- it's himself, Lord Bob Ramon Olbeck, Lockhart, and the man that speaks in various clips of English, Spanish, German, Bulgarian, and something Harry thinks is Afrikaans, as well as random dog barking. Lord Bro keeps calling this man Joe Lukey. Harry doesn't really want to know why. They're somewhere in the countryside, trying to meander their way to Malfoy Manor without actually knowing where they're going. Lockhart still pisses him off slightly, but he enjoys Joe Lukey's company even if they can't communicate. As for Lord Bro- well, frankly, the man is hilarious. Harry had no idea the effect his obliviate charm would have, but if he could go back, he wouldn't change it for the world. He attempts to teach Lord Bro all sorts of things about the world, both muggle and magical. Lord Bro doesn't really manage to maintain most of the information, but at least it's amusing to watch him try.

None of the information is accurate, of course. Harry is human and humans are petty things- let Lord Bro suffer with incorrect knowledge. It's hardly enough to match all the pain he's caused. But Harry is proud of himself- he's only had to stifle down the urge to _avada kedavra_ Lord Bro while his back was turned six times (though this doesn't include all the times Lord Bro has called him Perry Otter).

They make it to Malfoy Manor within the next day- after camping out with no provisions and Joe Lukey managing to turn a tree into a tent by some form of wandless magic, Harry convinces them to hike to the nearest muggle town and rent a taxi to take them to Malfoy Manor. The Boy Who Lived then struggles to be the Boy Who Stayed Alive as he attempts to keep all three men quiet so the driver doesn't think they're insane.

"I tell you, muggle contraptions!" Lockhart keeps saying over and over and _over_ again, while Lord Bro just kind of sits there in silent awe.

It's when the taxi ride is over that he starts being a problem- he goes around the driver's side and profusely thanks the man, telling him he should be very proud of himself, before turning back Harry. Harry sighs and pays the man with the muggle money Dumbledore gave him quickly.

They approach Malfoy Manor cautiously, unsure if the hiding Death Eaters are still inside. Harry knows that Snape was testifying against them- and while Harry himself would absolutely prefer that Snape goes to Azkaban all the same, there's not enough evidence to convict the Potions master, and anyways Dumbledore would prevent it from happening.

They creep into the manor carefully. Lockhart is muttering about how if he lived here, everything would be better, much to the annoyance of both Lord Bro and Harry.

"Shut up!" the two hiss at Lockhart at the same time, Joe Lukey agreeing in what Harry thinks is Bulgarian.

"You have no idea how stupid he is, Perry Otter!" Lord Bro says when Lockhart is out of earshot. "He's so idiotic-"

"HELLO?!" Lockhart screams, choosing that moment to possibly give away their position to anyone inside the giant manor. "IS ANYBODY HERE?! HELLO-O? WE'RE INSIDE NOW! WE'RE LOOKING FOR LORD BOB RAMON'S SNAKE! LORD BOB RAMON'S SNAKE! ARE YOU IN HERE, LORD BOB RAMON'S SNAKE?!"

"Shut _up_ , you complete moron!" Lord Bro yells suddenly, not bothering to whisper anymore. "Her name is Nagini, you fool! And _I_ will be the one to yell for her, because she's _my snake_ , you complete and absolute ninny!"

Harry stifles a laugh. He may want Lord Bro completely dead, or at least in Azkaban, but this- this is the next best thing.


	19. How Is Gilderoy Even Alive!

**As always, my eternal gratitude to each and every one of you for reading, following, favoriting, and reviewing! You all mean the world to me! Lord Bro's story has almost come to a close... one more chapter and a short epilogue, and then it's complete. As much as I would love to keep this going forever (we all know the amount of mischief Lord Bro & Co. could get up to), I just don't have the time and since Lord Bro is so close to getting his snake back, future adventures can be left up to your imagination ;) But, onwards with chapter nineteen! Please enjoy!**

* * *

Malfoy Manor

"Wait!" Lord Bro yells suddenly. The group creeping through Malfoy Manor stops suddenly. "I can hear my Nagini!"

Harry glances around uncomfortably. "So can I," he says quietly. He points in the same direction Lord Bro is looking. The four men continue until they reach the room- a drawing room.

"Here," Lord Bro declares. "There is a secret chamber under this room- that is where Nagini is. This is what she is telling me. We must search for a way to get to the secret chamber! Gilderoy- Gilderoy, _no_ , don't touch that!" Gilderoy pulls his hand away from a large, shrivelled hand that's on display with a guilty look on his face. Lord Bro says.

"Gilderoy, don't touch anything," he says after a few moments. "You're so stupid you don't even have to try to get yourself killed. Joe Lukey-"

Joe Lukey barks, recognizing his new name.

"I need you to keep an eye on Gilderoy while I talk to Perry Otter," Lord Bro says. Joe Lukey barks again and scampers off in the opposite direction, moving toward a large bookcase. He starts pulling books off of the shelves, eager to help.

"Perry Otter," Lord Bob Ramon says to Harry. "I have a very important question for you." Harry crosses his arms and taps his foot, waiting.

Lord Bro leans in close, as if he has a terrible secret to tell. Harry recoils slightly, but otherwise doesn't waver. Lord Bro lowers his voice and asks- "What is it like to have a nose?"  
Harry stops and stares at Lord Bro for a good thirty seconds before bursting into hysterical laughter. Joe Lukey freezes and Gilderoy drops a lamp that was about to strangle him. It shatters on the floor, and Harry keeps laughing.

"What?" Lord Bro asks desperately. "What's wrong? Was it something I said? Oh God, are you dying? Perry? Perry Otter?"

Harry takes a few heaving breaths, lets out a few more chuckles, then looks Lord Bro in his incredibly serious eyes. Then his gaze flits down to the two slits in his face that Lord Bro has instead of a nose, and he immediately bursts into laughter again. Gilderoy screams that Harry is obviously possessed by a demon and begins trying to climb the bookcase.

"Sorry," Harry says after another few minutes, wiping away a tear. "That was just- not what I was expecting."

Lord Bro repeats his question.

Harry chuckles again and is about to respond when he spies Gilderoy, hanging from the top of the bookcase. His foot kicked a book off of the shelf in his hurry to scramble up it, and now a large section of the floor is open, descending into a secret chamber below the room. Slithering up the staircase is none other than the great snake Nagini.

"That's it!" Lord Bro screeches. He runs forward, dives to the ground, and throws his arms around the animal. "Gilderoy, you idiot, you found my snake!"

* * *

Wizard Court, Ministry of Magic

"Antonin Dolohov, you are hereby sentenced to life without parole for crimes against wizard and muggles alike during your time as a Ramonette."

"As a… excuse me?"

"For your time as a Ramonette."

"What did you just call me?"

"A… Ramonette?"

" _SEVERUS!_ "

* * *

Just Outside Malfoy Manor

"Sir. Professor Dumbledore, sir, they're found the snake."

Dumbledore smiles. "Excellent. Any complications?"

"Well, er- Mr. Potter-"

Dumbledore's smile fades sharply. "What about him."

"He, er, had an attack, sir."

"What kind of attack?" Dumbledore asks. "A panic attack? An anxiety attack?"

"No, sir. A laughing attack…"


	20. I Finally Have My Freaking Snake

**A million and one thank yous for all your support! I *almost* had this chapter out in time, and then there was a bomb threat at my school and life caught up to me... but here's the final chapter! As I said last chapter (I think), there will be an epilogue that should hopefully be out on Wednesday, or sometime this week since apparently I'm horrible at keeping deadlines. Again, thank you all for your support, and enjoy!**

* * *

St. Mungo's Hospital, Permanent Memory Loss Ward

"That was a very dangerous and bad thing to do," Head Healer Illegal Burn chastises the four. Lord Bro rolls his eyes, his snake curled in his lap, and stares toward the door, recalling the events that got him into this position…

* * *

Malfoy Manor, some seven hours earlier

"Look at all this cool stuff down here!" Perry Otter calls, still struggling not to burst into laughter. Lord Bro rolls over, arms still wrapped around the snake, and literally rolls down the stairs. He doesn't know why he feels such a prominent connection to this animal, but it's almost like he can… talk to her, if that makes any sense, a human communicating with his pet.

Lord Bro glances down into the dark, secret room for a moment or two. "Meh," he says, not spotting anything remotely interesting. Joe Lukey barks, and his snake hisses. They go back and forth for a few minutes and Lord Bro stands up, taking the huge snake with him. She peers over his shoulder and continues hissing at Joe Lukey even as Lord Bro walks down the stairs into the secret room after Perry Otter.

"Look!" the boy says, holding up an intricate mask. "Does this look familiar to you?"

"Lukey Pookey!" Lord Bro gasps. "Lukey Pookey had a mask like that!"

"Other than that?" Perry asks.

Lord Bro shrugs.

"What about this?" Perry holds up a white wand- but Lord Bro doesn't see that. All he sees is a white stick, and voices this to the boy.

"No," Perry says. "It's a wand. It's _your_ wand."

Lord Bro shrugs.

Perry Otter sighs. "Nothing in here strikes any chord of familiarity? No Dark artifacts or anything of the sort bring up any memories?"

Lord Bro shrugs.

Gilderoy chooses that moment to come crashing down the stairs. "Whoa, cool!" he says, pointing to a beautiful necklace. Lord Bro guesses it's cursed.

Perry Otter sighs. "Game's up, guys, he doesn't remember anything," he calls up the stairs. Lord Bro looks back, wondering who he's talking to. Several medical orderlies from the hospital come running down the stairs, including the man Lord Bro remembers as Head Healer Illegal Burn.

"Oh, hello!" Gilderoy says brightly. Lord Bro clutches his snake to his chest. "I suppose you'll be wanting our autographs, then? We're all very famous, you know- except maybe the dog man." Joe Lukey growls at him.

* * *

St. Mungo's Hospital, Permanent Memory Loss Ward, present time

"Yeah, it was a little dangerous," Gilderoy boasts. "But I can handle danger."

"We saved your lives precisely fifty-seven times," one extremely annoyed-looking healer points out.

"Yeah, well, we can't all be winners," Joe Lukey says in perfect English.

"What?" Lord Bro cries. "You can speak."

Joe Lukey laughs. "Name's Isaiah Clark. I'm an Auror. Sent down in disguise as a patient to keep an eye on you, make sure you weren't faking your memory loss."

"What memory loss?" Lord Bro demands. "My name is Lord Bob Ramon Olbeck. This is my snake, Nagini Olbeck. My best friends are Lukey Pookey, Cissy, Trixie, and Perry Otter. Oh, and Gilderoy, I suppose, when he isn't being stupid."

Perry Otter and Not-Joe-Lukey laugh. Lord Bro is confused as to why they're laughing. He hasn't lost his memory. He's in the Ramonette cult!

"Well, we can say that this experiment has been a success," Professor Doodledumb says. "Lord Bob Ramon Olbeck here seems to have fully lost his memory previous to whatever the Death Eaters- pardon me, Ramonettes- told him at Malfoy Manor. Now our next steps involve whether we try to fix his memory or not."

"I don't see why we should," Perry Otter says quietly. "He's practically harmless to everyone but himself this way. Besides, do we honestly want Lord Voldemort back when Lord Bro is so… so…"

"Amazing?" Lord Bro suggests, and Perry Otter almost laughs.

"Well, we're all going to listen to the Boy Who Lived, now, aren't we?" Head Healer Illegal Burn says. "Fine, he'll stay here in this ward indefinitely. And the snake…"

Lord Bro hisses. The snake doesn't hiss- Lord Bro hisses.

"He can keep his snake," Doodledumb says. The Healers and various Ministry members begin clearing out of the ward, including Not-Joe-Lukey. Lord Bro waves goodbye, and the apparently-not-a-dog-man promises to visit. Doodledumb leaves with Perry Otter as an orderly puts Gilderoy to bed, and Perry Otter promises Lord Bro that he'll come and visit his new friends. At last, Lord Bro is left along with his snake in his bed.

"Hush little snakey, don't say a word," he begins to sing to the snake. "Mama's gonna find you a fat dead bird."

Outside the ward, Harry Potter glances back just as the former Dark Lord begins to sing to his snake.

"Is he going to be alright, Professor?" he asks Dumbledore.

Dumbledore smiles. "He'll be just fine, Harry. Now, I believe the Burrow is waiting- I'm sure they'll all be very excited to hear about the new Lord Voldemort- or should I say, Lord Bro…"


	21. Why Is The Child Named After Gilderoy?

**And here is the epilogue. This is where the original premise of the story came from (found in chapter 44 of "101 Names We Could Have Used"). While I feel I could go on with Lord Bro's hilariously epic tales, some things are better left to the imagination. Adieu, my good readers, your support has meant the world to me.**

* * *

September 1, 2017, King's Cross Station, Platform 9¾ (Nineteen Years Later)

The middle Potter child looks at his father. "What if I am in Slytherin?" Harry sighs. So many years of this and still people are biased about House stereotypes. Typical. It's the parents, no doubt, the boy caught him bad-mouthing people like Crabbe and Goyle all the time. But he doesn't have time to worry about that now, because his child needs him.

Harry kneels down. "Gilderoy Lockhart Potter. You were named after a man that taught me the most worthwhile skill I'll ever need to know. He was an idiot, and a Ravenclaw. He still is an idiot, even though he was supposed to be in the intelligent house. Your House doesn't define you. Go do good. I hear the Malfoy boy is actually quite nice."

* * *

Christmas 2017, Potter Home

Gilderoy Lockhart Potter took his father's advice and bonded quite nicely with the Malfoy boy, mainly over their odd names (Gilderoy Lockhart Potter and Scorpius Olbeck Malfoy). Everyone knew him as the son of Harry Potter, not as Gilderoy. But Harry would just recount the tale of how Gilderoy's lessons, though deemed useless at the time, proved to be the saving of the wizarding world.

"Dad?" Gilderoy Lockhart Potter asks after hearing the tale told again. Harry thinks about how glad he is he didn't name his second son something stupid like Albus Severus. "Your whole story behind my name, the one about you defeating Lord Voldemort with obliviate- is it all true?"

Harry sighs, recounting his brief adventure with Lord Bro and the whole gang. He still keeps in touch with Isaiah Clark, who became one of his mentors in the Auror office. The original Gilderoy Lockhart's memory continued to improve until they were eventually able to re-introduce him into the world as long as he had an aide with him at all times (still a danger to both himself and others). They all get together once a week to visit Lord Bob Ramon Olbeck who, in more than twenty-one years, still believed that his gang was called the Ramonettes and maintained his position on the names of all of his subordinates. His memory did not change one bit, and neither did his personality, and above all, neither did his love for his snake.

"Well," Harry says to his middle child. "While I can honestly say that I told you the truth, I may not have told you— all of it…"

Gilderoy Lockhart Potter smiles as his father begins the long and hilariously thrilling story of Lord Bob Ramon Olbeck, also known as Lord Bro, the previous Lord Voldemort. He thinks about how many were saved by his father's actions and the (albeit ignorant) actions of Gilderoy Lockhart- for in the end, the Dark Lord did not remember the darkness.


End file.
